Today as we continue talking about boundaries...

... we will look at something that has affected or will affect all of us…the passing of a loved one or our own passing. God has set boundaries with death and with eternity and it is my intention to bring comfort as we face this issue of death. Hebrews 9:27-28 (NKJV) “And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment, so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many. To those who eagerly wait for Him He will appear a second time, apart from sin, for salvation.” I don’t want to shake anyone up today but all of us are going to die if we leave long enough. We may go in the rapture but otherwise, we will die. Wow, Pastor Rick, what great news. 

1. Our death or the death of a loved one is an appointment with God. Hebrews 9:27 (NKJV) “And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.” Many times we consider, what seems to be the unexpected death of a loved one, or the result of a major “oops” of nature, or that simply, God has not been paying attention. None of this is true. Barnes Notes – Death, it is, in all cases, the result of intelligent appointment, and for an adequate cause. Hear your pastor…An Omni-Present God (A God Who is everywhere), an Omniscient God (A God Who knows everything), and an Omnipotent God (A God Who is all powerful) made the appointment. Trust Him! Why do we have to die? Biblically it is because of sin. Romans 6:23 (NKJV) “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

2. Our death or the death of a loved one only happens once. It amazes me after having done somewhere in the neighborhood of 340 funerals and memorials in the last 29 years how people are so surprised by it. Good news! It is inevitable but it only happens once. In our humanity and because of our deep love for someone, we think that God should make an exception for that person we have prayed for earnestly to be healed. God lives within His own boundaries. Not ours.

3. To those who eagerly wait for Him. So what are we missing? We are missing the fact that our loved ones are completely healed, we are missing the beauty of heaven, and we are missing the fact that God set up this appointment. He loves them. Psalm 116:15 (NKJV)  “Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints.” I love that Paul was from the South. Romans 8:18 (KJV) “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Nothing we go through here will compare with the glory we will experience with God for eternity. No more tears, death, sorrow, crying, and no more pain. Just being with Jesus will make heaven incredible! Praise God!

As we continue discussing boundaries...

... and as we focus more on our own out of control behavior, we must do an honest evaluation of where we are. 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12 (NKJV) “You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. So, Pastor Rick, how can we walk worthy or to set limits on our out of control behavior? 

1. Identify the symptoms of your out of control behavior. You will need to take an honest look at the fruit you may be exhibiting by not being able to say no to yourself. You may be experiencing depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, rage, isolations, etc.

2. Identify the roots of your out of control behavior. This is key: Identifying the causes of your self-boundary problems will assist you in understanding your own contribution to your problem. It will also help you identify your developmental injuries (how others have sinned against you).  

3. Identify the boundary conflict. This is where we have to be totally honest with ourselves about our particular self-boundary problems and identify what ours is.

4. Take responsibility and take ownership for the out of control behavior. 1 John 1:9 (NKJV) “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

5. Identify what you need. It is pretty much useless to try to deal with your boundary issues with yourself until you’re actively developing safe, trusting, grace-and-truth relationships with others especially in the context of church. You need a deep relationship with the Lord and people who will keep you accountable. 

6. Now I begin. Once you have identified your self-boundary problem and owned it, you now can do something about it. So how do we begin to set boundaries on ourselves? Address your real need. Allow yourself to fail. Listen to emphatic feedback from others. Surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive. John 8:32 (NKJV) “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

As you are in service today recognizing our wonderful veterans..

... I am with Tricia, Stephanie, and my daughter-in-law Sommer spending a family weekend with my son Joshua. Joshua joined the Army a couple of months ago and we could not be more proud of him. As a surprise, our other son Jeremy flew from Arizona to also be with Joshua to be an encouragement to him. He is a Marine. Yes, he is out of the military right now but once a Marine, always a Marine. Veteran’s Day is very special to us because of our sons but also for all the wonderful veterans we have at Life Church. I am convinced that one of the reasons Life Church is such a great church is because of all these veterans. We honor you today. 

One of my heroes President Ronald Reagan said, “Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it only comes once to a people. Those who have known freedom, and then lost it, have never known it again.” As Christians we understand that freedom is not free. Jesus purchasing our freedom cost Him His life...He was willing to lay His life down for us. 

John 10:18 (NKJV) "No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This command I have received from My Father." Like our veterans...we must be willing to lay our lives down so that we can take them up again. Matt 16:24‑25 (NKJV) “Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”  We have to stand and fight to keep our freedom here in the United States and we have to stand and fight for our liberty in Christ. Gal 5:1 (NKJV) “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” Thank you, Jesus, for laying down your life and thank you, Veterans, for your willingness to fight for all of us! God bless you today!

Last week we talked about three laws of boundaries...

... and today we will look at three more:

1. The Law of Envy - James 4:1 (NLT2) “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?” If we are focusing on what others have or have accomplished, we are neglecting our own responsibilities and will eventually have an empty heart. Galatians 6:4-5 (NIV)
“Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.” Cloud and Townsend – Envy defines “good” as “what I do not possess,” and hates the good it has. How many times have you heard someone subtly put down the accomplishments of others, somehow robbing them of the goodness they had attained? We all have envious parts to our personalities. But what is so destructive about this particular sin is that it guarantees that we will not get what we want and keeps us perpetually insatiable and dissatisfied. 

2. The Law of Activity - Cloud and Townsend – “Human beings are responders and initiators. Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative---the God given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life.” Being passive and lazy never pays off…God will match our effort but He will not do our work for us. He would be crossing boundaries to do this. He wants us to be active asking, seeking, and knocking. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning. Failing to try never produces anything good. Proverbs 19:15 (NCV) “Lazy people sleep a lot, and idle people will go hungry.” 

3. The Law of Exposure - A boundary is a property line. It defines where you begin and end. We have been trying to communicate why we need such a line in our lives. Probably the most important reason that we need boundaries is because we do not live in a vacuum. You live in relation to God and to people. Your boundaries define you in relationship to others. The law of exposure tells us that our boundaries must be out in the open for everyone to see, we must value relationships enough to be honest, and we must operate in love. Don’t be surprised when people break the rules when they do not know what they are.

Life Church and Board of Deacons, thank you...

... so much for honoring our wonderful pastors last week…you’re the best! Romans 13:7 (NLT2) ⁷ …Give respect and honor to those who are in authority. 

Elders of Heart --Years ago I was at the altar begging God for His help and His blessings. I told Him how I needed help here at Life Church (Then Leesburg First A/G). He spoke to me and told me that He had already sent the help I needed and I just needed to acknowledge them and allow them to minister along side of me. Lord, can you be a little more specific? He said, I have sent all these retired ministers to help you and to hold your arms up, you just need to ask them and they will gladly help you. Really? They are retired! Yes, they are, but they want to still be used for Me. These Elders of Heart (retired ministers) are worthy of your honoring of them because of how they have followed righteousness and mercy. They have truly been a blessing to me for many years. Let’s celebrate them: Vern and Millie Baumruk, Don and Pam Ewart, Ken and Pat Fleming, Walter and Ella Martin, Richard Maynard, Gerald and Linda Messman, Harry and Mertha Neff, Richard and Nancy Newton, and Freda Wright.

Dr. Stephen Duke – He helps us with counseling every week and is here to minister great wisdom to those who are going through tough life situations. Thank you, Dr. Duke!

Pastoral Staff  -- I am sure you are aware that it is absolutely necessary for the success of a church to have a pastoral team that has the same heart and the same spirit. We must be one as we serve together. My philosophy of ministry is servant leadership and my pastors must be here to serve God and serve people. Being a pastor simply means you are responsible to serve more people. We honor: Harriet Browne – Minister of Heart Joseph and Jan Diaz – Oversees our CG and helps with pastoral care. Dwaine and Elaine Umbel – These guys were extremely successful and loved in the ministry before they came to us. They help also with pastoral care, communion, and have gifts of encouragement. Marty and Faye Morelli – Senior adult minister, altar ministry, welcome room, and many other things that bless Life Church. Aaron and Tatyana Baty – These guys have taken our worship to the next level. Our music department was struggling when they came…they turned it around. A team of about 40 is now a team of around 150. Juan and Kacey Rodriguez – He ministers to our youth, young adults, and Spanish Ministry. What a blessing they are. Mark and Christie Ann Lojuidice – Pastor Mark has become more than a children’s pastor, he has become my associate pastor, a confidant, a sound board, a brother who listens to my frustrations and still respects me. He has become a very dear friend.

Tricia Welborne – Pastor Juan did a great thing when he honored my sweet wife. A pastor’s wife has a tough job but she handles it well and is loved and respected, not just by you, but by me. Love you so much, Tricia!

On this Pastor’s Appreciation let’s look...

 ...at one more of these laws of boundaries. Galatians 6:1-5 (NKJV) “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.” 

1. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. Often leaders have to take responsibilities from someone who is not performing well. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. When you eat the sweets that give you the cavities does it hurt? Of course not, it feels good. Does it harm you in the long run? Yes! So that is my point here. Things can hurt us and not harm us. In fact, they can even be good for us. And there are things that may feel good at the time that can be harmful to us. So here is the question…should we avoid setting good godly boundaries because doing so may cause someone to be hurt or get angry? I believe Jesus calls this choosing the narrow gate…not the broad way.

In light of Pastor’s Appreciation, sometimes the boundaries we share with people seem so confining and so limiting. The whole idea about boundaries is about having limits or lines that cannot be crossed. Jesus says narrow is the gate and difficult is the way but I am glad He did not stop there…which leads to life. When we give biblical boundaries we are not trying to harm you but we are trying to help you find life. John 10:10 (NKJV) “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” Do you understand what this verse is all about? It is about gates and boundaries and about someone who loves you enough to keep you safe and having a blessed life. Deciding to set boundaries is difficult because it requires decision making and confrontation, which, in turn, may cause pain in someone you love. Sometimes the truth hurts (not harms) but it still needs to be said.

Last week we talked about two laws of boundaries...

... and today we will look at four more:

1. The Law of Respect. We hear from people often who say…if I set boundaries or if I say no to them they will reject me. We focus so much on others that we lose clarity about ourselves. Cloud and Townsend – We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours. If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom. 

2. The Law of Motivation. Most of us know someone in the church who is always doing something for someone who asks them to do it. It appears they are doing what they are doing to be a good Christian. But there’s a problem…these people do not seem to be very happy. They get grumpy and snappy. Maybe they had a mother or father who would ask them to do something for them and if the person asked did not do it, love was withheld. We end up giving, not out of love, but out of fear. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries. 

3. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. Cloud and Townsend – We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. 

4. The Law of Proactivity - Cloud and Townsend – “But when is enough enough? Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming “victim’s rights” for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a “victim mentality.” The person who has been hurt or abused cannot stay in a reactive state because it has diminishing returns. Once you recognize your new boundaries, embrace them and move on. Proactive people have learned to die to themselves, move on, and not to return evil for evil.