Last week we talked about three laws...

... of boundaries and today we will look at three more:

1. The Law of Respect. We hear from people often who say…if I set boundaries or if I say no to them they will reject me. They get angry if I set limits. They will not talk to me if I tell them what boundaries are. We are so afraid that others will not respect our boundaries. We focus so much on others that we lose clarity about ourselves. Cloud and Townsend – We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours. If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom. Matthew 7:12 (NKJV) “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

2. The Law of Motivation. Most of us know someone in the church who is always doing something for someone who asks them to do it. It appears they are doing what they are doing to be a good Christian. But there’s a problem…these people do not seem to be very happy. Many times they become critical about how more people should help and how they should do more. They get grumpy and snappy. Maybe they had a mother or father who would ask them to do something for them and if the person asked did not do it, love was withheld. We end up giving, not out of love, but out of fear. Maybe it is fear or people’s anger that keeps us from setting boundaries or keeping the ones we have. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries. 

3. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. When you eat the sweets that give you the cavities does it hurt? Of course not, it feels good. Does it harm you in the long run? Yes! Cloud and Townsend – We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light. 

In Galatians 6:4-8 (NKJV) ...

...“For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. Last week we talked about the safe boundaries of being in covenant relationships in the body of Christ. We all need the safety of the church. Today we are going to look at the laws of boundaries and how important those laws are for us to obey them. Today we will look at three of those laws.

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping. We learned in school growing up the law that was called cause and effect. The Bible calls this law the law of sowing and reaping. You reap what you sow. It is not God’s intention to punish us by this law but He is simply telling us how things are. Unfortunately, we can interrupt the law of sowing and reaping and we find ourselves rescuing irresponsible people. Cloud and Townsend – Rescuing a person from the natural consequences of his behavior enables him to continue in irresponsible behavior. 

2. The Law of Responsibility - The law of responsibility always includes loving others. The commandment to love is the entire law for Christians. Problems arise when boundaries of responsibility are confused, we are to love one another, not try to be one another. I can’t feel your feelings for you, I can’t think for you. I can’t behave for you. I can’t work through the disappointment that limits bring for you. In short, I can’t grow for you; only you can. Likewise, you can’t grow for me. We are mandated by scriptures to take personal responsibility. Philippians 2:12 (NIV) “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling…”

3. The Law of Power

--Even though you do not have the power in and of yourself to overcome many problems, you do have the power to do some things that can lead you to freedom. You have the power to agree with the truth about your problem. You have the power to submit your inability to God. You have the power to seek and ask God, for revelation about what your boundaries should be. You have the power to turn from the evil that you find within you. You have the power to humble yourself and ask God and others to help you. You have the power to seek out those whom you may have injured and make amends. You are not powerless!

Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT) “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?”...

... Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” As we continue this series on boundaries I want to share with you today one of the safest places you can be is in the Church…the Body of Christ. We are not talking about just showing up and being here physically but what I am talking about is being in covenant relationship with each other. It is absolutely true that we are stronger when we are together spiritually, physically, and emotionally and bonded together by Holy Spirit.  

1. Jesus speaks of being in covenant relationship and how those boundaries protect you. We are to cleave to one another in the church in covenant love just like a husband and wife cleave to each other in marriage…at least, the way God intended.Notice where it says the words joined or joined together…there is a Greek verb “Kolloah” which means being joined together in covenant relationship between a husband and wife.

2. This being “joined together” can also be carried over into our business relationships. This Greek word “Kolloah” can be used in a contract with two business people having an agreement like with the prodigal son.

Luke 15:14-15 (NKJV) “But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.” Notice the prodigal son had joined himself…he had a commitment (covenant) to work for this man.

3. We can also be in Covenant relationship with the Lord…we must be “joined together” with Him.1 Corinthians 6:17 (NKJV) “But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. When we are in “Kolloah” with the Lord we are in the safest place we can be in. Beautiful boundaries that truly provide relationship and protection. 

4. This concept of “being joined together” also applies to being in covenant with the local church body. Paul who had previously been Saul had a major conversion on the road to Damascus and God turned him every which way but loose. He saw his need to be joined to the local church. 1 Corinthians 1:10 (NKJV) “Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” When you are joined to us in covenant relationship, you are in the safe boundaries of the church.

Today we are continuing the series about Boundaries.

Cloud and Townsend, “Remember the old saying, “Insanity is genetic. You inherit it from your kids”? Well, boundaries aren’t inherited. They are built. To be the truth-telling, responsible, free, and loving people God wants us to be we need to learn limits from childhood on. Boundary development is an ongoing process, yet its most crucial stages are in our very early years, where our character is formed.” The role of a parent or grandparent is to build healthy boundaries for children. At the same time, it is a child’s job to push against those boundaries in a safe way. 

1. Bonding and Boundaries. Building good boundaries begins when we are babies. This is called Bonding. A close, safe, nurturing bond between a parent and a child is essential for development into a healthy, whole adult. Bonding is the bedrock on which we build boundaries. When babies come into the world their first need is to know they are loved, protected and nurtured. A person will feel insecure later in life if they do not feel secure at the beginning of life. Unfortunately, not all parents develop a loving bond with their babies and children. 

2. Separation and Boundaries. After Bonding, the next step is Separating. During the first four months of life, mother and baby are one in the eyes of the baby. There is no distinction. During the second half of year one, the baby starts to separate and develop an identity. All that nurturing pays off. The little one feels secure enough to do some exploring. They want to take the world in through their senses…especially their mouths. The separation phase is the time to begin building boundaries. As a child develops an identity over the next months and years he or she learns to use two powerful words: “No” and “Why?” You want them to say “No” when someone tries to do something wrong with them or to them. As painful as it is at times, all those years of testing the limits helps a parent and child set and keep clear boundaries. 

3. Isaac and Rebekah – Boundaries Crossed. Boundaries were crossed when Rebekah came with a plan to deceive Isaac obtaining the blessing for Jacob instead of Esau. Boundaries were crossed when Jacob would not say “no” to his deceiving mother. The point here is this…when boundaries are crossed and deception rules the day, people get hurt and upset. God’s Word will keep us within biblical boundaries for everyone’s safety. 

This week we are continuing the series Boundaries.

  Cloud and Townsend – Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my own life opens up many different options. However, if I do no not own my life, my choices and options become very limited. We let others own us. Think about this…how confusing would it be if someone told you to “guard this property diligently, because I will hold you responsible for what happens here” but they didn’t tell you the boundaries of the property. Three things we must understand:

1. I am responsible “to” you but I am not responsible “for” you. We are responsible to others and for ourselves. Please explain, Pastor. Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. Galatians 6:5 (NKJV) “For each one shall bear his own load.” Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. 

2. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside. Fences protect our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” We need to protect our hearts by establishing boundaries or fences…by keeping the good in and the bad out. 

3. Our boundaries or fences need a gate. Many times we have said in this message that our fences, our boundaries, need a gate to keep bad out and to keep good in. Wow, whoever this gate is has to be strong, wise, discerning, and has an important responsibility of managing this process of what is entering and exiting. John 10:7 (NIV) Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.” Lordship tells me I have to give ownership of my fences, my boundaries, and my yard to Jesus. He will make sure no one enters who shouldn’t and He allows in what and who needs to come in. Jesus is the Gate of our boundaries. 

Today we are starting a new series called Boundaries ...

...and I believe God is going to challenge us in so many ways. Nehemiah has just received news about those who had escaped their captivity and had made it back to Jerusalem but there was a problem. Nehemiah 1:3-4 (NKJV)  “And they said to me, "The survivors who are left from the captivity in the province are there in great distress and reproach. The wall of Jerusalem is also broken down, and its gates are burned with fire." So it was, when I heard these words, that I sat down and wept, and mourned for many days; I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven.” The wall (the boundary) had been broken down and the gates had been burned. They were so glad to be home but because their boundaries had been broken down, they had no protection or security. 

So what was Nehemiah’s first response to this dilemma? Nehemiah 1:5-7 (NKJV) And I said: "I pray, LORD God of heaven, O great and awesome God, You who keep Your covenant and mercy with those who love You and observe Your commandments, please let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open, that You may hear the prayer of Your servant which I pray before You now, day and night, for the children of Israel Your servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel which we have sinned against You. Both my father's house and I have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against You, and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses.” His response was to pray, to worship, and to repent of the sins of the people and himself. We should do the same. 

Let’s face it, so many people do not know where to draw the line or where to set boundaries in what they do and what they allow others to do to them. Even those close to them…especially those close to them. With God’s help in this series we will obviously look to God’s Word to see how we can obtain the boundaries and the security we need. After Nehemiah prayed, worshiped, and repented, he did something novel, he rebuilt the boundaries and restored the gates. We must do the same. As long as there are breaches in the wall, the enemy has access. Life Church, it is time to restore the boundaries in our personal lives, in our families, and in our churches. Let’s rise up and build!

Resilient People - 2

Resilient People - 2

Subject - Joseph Teaches Us to Deal with Our Rockies 

by Rick Welborne

Genesis 37:18‑28 (NLT) 

18 When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they recognized him in the distance. As he approached, they made plans to kill him. 

19 “Here comes the dreamer!” they said. 

20 “Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns. We can tell our father, ‘A wild animal has eaten him.’ Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!” 

21 But when Reuben heard of their scheme, he came to Joseph’s rescue. “Let’s not kill him,” he said. 

22 “Why should we shed any blood? Let’s just throw him into this empty cistern here in the wilderness. Then he’ll die without our laying a hand on him.” Reuben was secretly planning to rescue Joseph and return him to his father. 

23 So when Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. 

24 Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. 

25 Then, just as they were sitting down to eat, they looked up and saw a caravan of camels in the distance coming toward them. It was a group of Ishmaelite traders taking a load of gum, balm, and aromatic resin from Gilead down to Egypt. 

26 Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain by killing our brother? His blood would just give us a guilty conscience. 

27 Instead of hurting him, let’s sell him to those Ishmaelite traders. After all, he is our brother—our own flesh and blood!” And his brothers agreed. 

28 So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt. 

–As we begin this message Joseph is captured by his brothers of whom he had gone to check on, they throw him in a pit, and eventually sell him into slavery.

–He is carried off into a foreign land, no money, no friends, no power, no home or daddy to take care of him...No beautiful robe…He is looking at the Rocky Mountains.

Ortberg: Your heart is revealed and your character is forged when life does not turn out the way you planned.

–Sooner or later we all see the Rockies...it may be in your marriage, your work, your ministry, your finances, or maybe in your health.

–It is in the act of facing the Rockies that you discover what lies inside you and decide what lies before you.

What important decisions do resilient people make when they face the Rockies.

1. Resilient people exercise control rather than passively resign.

–Something what surprises us about resilient people is how they exercise so much control in a stress filled situation.

–Many POWs or hostages share that the single most stressful aspect of their situation was that they had lost command over their existence.

–A study of those in Korean war camps found a group who had what they called “give up itis”...these were the ones who were least likely to survive and recover.

–Amazingly losing control of their daily lives was worse psychologically on them than threats, hunger, beatings, and isolation.

–In contrast, those who triumphed over adversity share a common trait...they managed to have a sense of command over their future.

Luke 18:1 (NLT) 

1 One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.  

–To take command some would exercise, they would memorize stories, figure out ways of communicating with one another, some kept a census of the bugs around them.

–Some used tapping to communicate or sweeping a broom a certain way...the POWs encouraged one another by reminding themselves and their friends that their bodies had been captured but their spirits had not, they prayed.

–Joseph was a prisoner...far from home, separated from his father, betrayed by his brothers, surrounded by strangers who bought him and sold him. The robe is gone and what it meant...his privileged life is gone but:

Genesis 39:2 (NKJV) 

2 The LORD was with Joseph, and he was a successful man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian. 

–There is nothing more awesome or more important than knowing that when you are looking at the Rocky Mountains...The Lord is with you!

–Even though Joseph had lost his freedom he refused to look at himself as powerless...What have you lost that has made you feel out of control...The Lord is with you!

–You may have never thought of this but the Scriptures have many accounts of POWs and hostages who refused to be just victims. Daniel, Peter and the apostles arrested, Paul and Silas, the three Hebrew young men.

Ortberg: Faith believes that with God, we are never helpless victims.

–This is really amazing...Joseph began to serve his new master with all his heart:

Genesis 39:3‑6 (NLT) 

3 Potiphar noticed this and realized that the LORD was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. 

4 This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned. 

5 From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the LORD began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. 

6 So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat! Joseph was a very handsome and well‑built young man, 

2. Resilient people remain committed to their values when tempted to compromise.

–You are making the best of a bad situation...things are getting better...God is giving you favor with your master...God is with you! Potiphar’s wife is attracted to Joseph because he is well built and handsome.

–Most preachers when they tell this story make her out to be like a super model because it makes for a juicer story so because of her persistence and his loneliness we will assume that he was tempted but did not give in.

Hebrews 4:15 (NKJV) 

15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 

–Joseph could have taken the attitude of a victim and could have given in but he did not! He tells her of his master’s trust...honoring relational commitment.  This is a classic case of resilient thinking.

–When John McCain’s biography came out in his presidential campaign of 2000 people were fascinated by the account of how he could have been released by Hanoi but refused unless his comrades were freed also.

–Loyalty to values even when it means suffering is a powerful catalyst for character formation...what values do you cling to? Look at how sin and temptation works:

Genesis 39:9‑10 (NIV) 

9 No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" 

10 And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.  

–Ok, Joseph, let’s don’t sleep together...let’s just be together...just hang out and talk, right! He still refuses and she becomes angry...

Genesis 39:11‑12 (NIV) 

11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 

12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. 

–What is it with Joseph and garments? He ran to get away! Many think people are most tempted to sin when they are partying and having a good time but most of us are most vulnerable when we are sad or lonely.

Carl Jung: Sin is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. It is an attempt to obtain the pleasure that does not rightly belong to me or evade the pain that does. 

–Discouragement is the blue light that makes sin appear irresistible. All of us in one way or another know the temptation of Joseph...the temptation that comes when life does not turn out the way we expected...Rockies.

–If Joseph would have given in here he would have betrayed the one who trusted him, would have betrayed God, and would have probably never known his destiny. He ran!

–It is good that he ran...it is great to run from sin but sin can be very persistent so run to God.

–Joseph stands firm, he is loyal to his master, very honest with his seductress, and true to his values. Surely God will have to reward him...right?

–Mrs. Potiphar stands there with his cloak in her hand and then she does so much we hear today...she plays the “race card” before those in the house...this Hebrew who was brought here has done this.

–We think...this cannot be...this floozy cannot get away with this...Joseph is right and righteous...He must be rewarded...not yet...more mountains! God’s ways…not our ways.

–Potiphar goes on the war path and has Joseph thrown into prison and his wonderful wife goes home and waits for a more compliant servant.

–Keep in mind...the story is not over yet...Joseph goes to prison...bad things happen to good people....Key:

Genesis 39:20‑21 (NIV) 

20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, 

21 the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. 

–The Lord did not spare Joseph from prison...The Lord often does not spare his children from the Rockies or from adversity. But the Lord was with Joseph just like He is with you in your situation. 

–Joseph decided he would rather face life with the Lord and have nothing than face life without the Lord and have everything...what about us?

3. Resilient people find meaning and purpose in their mountains.

–Victor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning he shares how he discovered that the imprisoned person who no longer had a goal was unlikely to survive the Nazi death camps.

–He said that even though there were few...He could remember those who walked thru the camps encouraging others and giving them their last piece of bread.

Frankl: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the sufferings that it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross gives him ample opportunity to add a deeper meaning to his life.

–Joseph was able to find purpose and meaning even in prison...even looking at the Rockies...The Lord was with Joseph.

–God shows up on the mountain (transfiguration) but He also shows up in the storm and when we find something bigger than we are.

Genesis 39:21‑23 (NLT) 

21 But the LORD was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the LORD made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 

22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 

23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The LORD was with him and caused everything he did to succeed. 

–What could your purpose be in a prison when you were not supposed be there anyway? He had a couple of cell mates...a baker and a butler who needed him. Look what adversity taught him about his beautiful robe. 

Scott Peck: It is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning...It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually...it is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and actually welcome the pain of problems.

Key: 

A. As long as he was wearing the Robe, Joseph could never move into community with his brothers.

B. As long as he was wearing the Robe, Joseph would never know what he was capable of under pressure.

C. As long as he was wearing the Robe, Joseph would never understand that God is enough even when you have lost everything.