Last week we talked about three laws...

... of boundaries and today we will look at three more:

1. The Law of Respect. We hear from people often who say…if I set boundaries or if I say no to them they will reject me. They get angry if I set limits. They will not talk to me if I tell them what boundaries are. We are so afraid that others will not respect our boundaries. We focus so much on others that we lose clarity about ourselves. Cloud and Townsend – We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours. If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom. Matthew 7:12 (NKJV) “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

2. The Law of Motivation. Most of us know someone in the church who is always doing something for someone who asks them to do it. It appears they are doing what they are doing to be a good Christian. But there’s a problem…these people do not seem to be very happy. Many times they become critical about how more people should help and how they should do more. They get grumpy and snappy. Maybe they had a mother or father who would ask them to do something for them and if the person asked did not do it, love was withheld. We end up giving, not out of love, but out of fear. Maybe it is fear or people’s anger that keeps us from setting boundaries or keeping the ones we have. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries. 

3. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. When you eat the sweets that give you the cavities does it hurt? Of course not, it feels good. Does it harm you in the long run? Yes! Cloud and Townsend – We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light. 

In Galatians 6:4-8 (NKJV) ...

...“For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. Last week we talked about the safe boundaries of being in covenant relationships in the body of Christ. We all need the safety of the church. Today we are going to look at the laws of boundaries and how important those laws are for us to obey them. Today we will look at three of those laws.

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping. We learned in school growing up the law that was called cause and effect. The Bible calls this law the law of sowing and reaping. You reap what you sow. It is not God’s intention to punish us by this law but He is simply telling us how things are. Unfortunately, we can interrupt the law of sowing and reaping and we find ourselves rescuing irresponsible people. Cloud and Townsend – Rescuing a person from the natural consequences of his behavior enables him to continue in irresponsible behavior. 

2. The Law of Responsibility - The law of responsibility always includes loving others. The commandment to love is the entire law for Christians. Problems arise when boundaries of responsibility are confused, we are to love one another, not try to be one another. I can’t feel your feelings for you, I can’t think for you. I can’t behave for you. I can’t work through the disappointment that limits bring for you. In short, I can’t grow for you; only you can. Likewise, you can’t grow for me. We are mandated by scriptures to take personal responsibility. Philippians 2:12 (NIV) “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling…”

3. The Law of Power

--Even though you do not have the power in and of yourself to overcome many problems, you do have the power to do some things that can lead you to freedom. You have the power to agree with the truth about your problem. You have the power to submit your inability to God. You have the power to seek and ask God, for revelation about what your boundaries should be. You have the power to turn from the evil that you find within you. You have the power to humble yourself and ask God and others to help you. You have the power to seek out those whom you may have injured and make amends. You are not powerless!

Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT) “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?”...

... Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” As we continue this series on boundaries I want to share with you today one of the safest places you can be is in the Church…the Body of Christ. We are not talking about just showing up and being here physically but what I am talking about is being in covenant relationship with each other. It is absolutely true that we are stronger when we are together spiritually, physically, and emotionally and bonded together by Holy Spirit.  

1. Jesus speaks of being in covenant relationship and how those boundaries protect you. We are to cleave to one another in the church in covenant love just like a husband and wife cleave to each other in marriage…at least, the way God intended.Notice where it says the words joined or joined together…there is a Greek verb “Kolloah” which means being joined together in covenant relationship between a husband and wife.

2. This being “joined together” can also be carried over into our business relationships. This Greek word “Kolloah” can be used in a contract with two business people having an agreement like with the prodigal son.

Luke 15:14-15 (NKJV) “But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.” Notice the prodigal son had joined himself…he had a commitment (covenant) to work for this man.

3. We can also be in Covenant relationship with the Lord…we must be “joined together” with Him.1 Corinthians 6:17 (NKJV) “But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. When we are in “Kolloah” with the Lord we are in the safest place we can be in. Beautiful boundaries that truly provide relationship and protection. 

4. This concept of “being joined together” also applies to being in covenant with the local church body. Paul who had previously been Saul had a major conversion on the road to Damascus and God turned him every which way but loose. He saw his need to be joined to the local church. 1 Corinthians 1:10 (NKJV) “Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” When you are joined to us in covenant relationship, you are in the safe boundaries of the church.

Today we are continuing the series about Boundaries.

Cloud and Townsend, “Remember the old saying, “Insanity is genetic. You inherit it from your kids”? Well, boundaries aren’t inherited. They are built. To be the truth-telling, responsible, free, and loving people God wants us to be we need to learn limits from childhood on. Boundary development is an ongoing process, yet its most crucial stages are in our very early years, where our character is formed.” The role of a parent or grandparent is to build healthy boundaries for children. At the same time, it is a child’s job to push against those boundaries in a safe way. 

1. Bonding and Boundaries. Building good boundaries begins when we are babies. This is called Bonding. A close, safe, nurturing bond between a parent and a child is essential for development into a healthy, whole adult. Bonding is the bedrock on which we build boundaries. When babies come into the world their first need is to know they are loved, protected and nurtured. A person will feel insecure later in life if they do not feel secure at the beginning of life. Unfortunately, not all parents develop a loving bond with their babies and children. 

2. Separation and Boundaries. After Bonding, the next step is Separating. During the first four months of life, mother and baby are one in the eyes of the baby. There is no distinction. During the second half of year one, the baby starts to separate and develop an identity. All that nurturing pays off. The little one feels secure enough to do some exploring. They want to take the world in through their senses…especially their mouths. The separation phase is the time to begin building boundaries. As a child develops an identity over the next months and years he or she learns to use two powerful words: “No” and “Why?” You want them to say “No” when someone tries to do something wrong with them or to them. As painful as it is at times, all those years of testing the limits helps a parent and child set and keep clear boundaries. 

3. Isaac and Rebekah – Boundaries Crossed. Boundaries were crossed when Rebekah came with a plan to deceive Isaac obtaining the blessing for Jacob instead of Esau. Boundaries were crossed when Jacob would not say “no” to his deceiving mother. The point here is this…when boundaries are crossed and deception rules the day, people get hurt and upset. God’s Word will keep us within biblical boundaries for everyone’s safety. 

This week we are continuing the series Boundaries.

  Cloud and Townsend – Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my own life opens up many different options. However, if I do no not own my life, my choices and options become very limited. We let others own us. Think about this…how confusing would it be if someone told you to “guard this property diligently, because I will hold you responsible for what happens here” but they didn’t tell you the boundaries of the property. Three things we must understand:

1. I am responsible “to” you but I am not responsible “for” you. We are responsible to others and for ourselves. Please explain, Pastor. Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. Galatians 6:5 (NKJV) “For each one shall bear his own load.” Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. 

2. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside. Fences protect our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” We need to protect our hearts by establishing boundaries or fences…by keeping the good in and the bad out. 

3. Our boundaries or fences need a gate. Many times we have said in this message that our fences, our boundaries, need a gate to keep bad out and to keep good in. Wow, whoever this gate is has to be strong, wise, discerning, and has an important responsibility of managing this process of what is entering and exiting. John 10:7 (NIV) Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.” Lordship tells me I have to give ownership of my fences, my boundaries, and my yard to Jesus. He will make sure no one enters who shouldn’t and He allows in what and who needs to come in. Jesus is the Gate of our boundaries.