Last week we talked about three laws...

... of boundaries and today we will look at three more:

1. The Law of Respect. We hear from people often who say…if I set boundaries or if I say no to them they will reject me. They get angry if I set limits. They will not talk to me if I tell them what boundaries are. We are so afraid that others will not respect our boundaries. We focus so much on others that we lose clarity about ourselves. Cloud and Townsend – We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours. If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom. Matthew 7:12 (NKJV) “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

2. The Law of Motivation. Most of us know someone in the church who is always doing something for someone who asks them to do it. It appears they are doing what they are doing to be a good Christian. But there’s a problem…these people do not seem to be very happy. Many times they become critical about how more people should help and how they should do more. They get grumpy and snappy. Maybe they had a mother or father who would ask them to do something for them and if the person asked did not do it, love was withheld. We end up giving, not out of love, but out of fear. Maybe it is fear or people’s anger that keeps us from setting boundaries or keeping the ones we have. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries. 

3. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. When you eat the sweets that give you the cavities does it hurt? Of course not, it feels good. Does it harm you in the long run? Yes! Cloud and Townsend – We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light.