Last week we talked about two laws of boundaries...

... and today we will look at four more:

1. The Law of Respect. We hear from people often who say…if I set boundaries or if I say no to them they will reject me. We focus so much on others that we lose clarity about ourselves. Cloud and Townsend – We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours. If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom. 

2. The Law of Motivation. Most of us know someone in the church who is always doing something for someone who asks them to do it. It appears they are doing what they are doing to be a good Christian. But there’s a problem…these people do not seem to be very happy. They get grumpy and snappy. Maybe they had a mother or father who would ask them to do something for them and if the person asked did not do it, love was withheld. We end up giving, not out of love, but out of fear. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries. 

3. The Law of Evaluation. Sometimes when we have to confront someone, we don’t want to do it because we are afraid that it will hurt them. You may be reluctant to do it but you have to evaluate whether your decision will harm the person. Telling the person may hurt them but it probably will not harm them. There is a difference. It hurts when a dentist drills on my teeth to get rid of a cavity but is he harming me? Of course not. He is helping me to not have worse future problems. Hurt and harm are different. Cloud and Townsend – We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. 

4. The Law of Proactivity - Cloud and Townsend – “But when is enough enough? Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming “victim’s rights” for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a “victim mentality.” The person who has been hurt or abused cannot stay in a reactive state because it has diminishing returns. Once you recognize your new boundaries, embrace them and move on. Proactive people have learned to die to themselves, move on, and not to return evil for evil.